I am a medium. I talk to dead people. The information in these stories comes directly from the people involved, living and dead and from my guides.

Even when taking extenuating circumstances into  account, we believe that every human being is ultimately responsible for their own actions. We see this as common sense; something that everyone knows is true. Until it comes to the suicide of someone in our life. Then it’s easy to become filled with regret, thinking of all of the ways that we failed the person who took their own life.

Elaina was a therapist at an out-patient mental health clinic. On an evening that she was not on duty and not on call, one of her patients, D, walked to an overpass and jumped off the railing into traffic. He died on impact. Elaina believed that if she had been there she would have helped him make a different choice. She held herself responsible for D’s death and no amount of therapy could help her see it any other way.
D thought that this was hilarious. With an incredibly cocky attitude he said: Why do you think I chose that night? Elaina was filled with grief and regret and D fed off of her pain. Here’s what I saw:
Elaina was in terrible emotional pain and feeling like a martyr. She held her guilt like a torch beaming the light of her failure. If she couldn’t save D, she couldn’t help anyone.
D was surrounded by his guides and angels and completely unable to see or feel them. Elaina’s guilt was so strong that he clung to her grief as a shield protecting himself from facing the responsibility of his actions.
Both of them were anchored to an emotional symbiosis that keeps them stagnant and prevented them from moving forward.
Jack’s son K was bipolar and his mood swings could lead to intensely violent and unmanageable outbreaks. During a particularly bad episode he took a golf club and used it to smash and destroy everything in his apartment, and then he came after Jack. Jack contacted emergency services. They said that for K to be admitted to a mental health facility without his consent, the police had to be involved. They sent an officer and K attacked him with the golf club. In self-defense and reacting as he had been trained to do, the officer shot K and K died. Jack was devastated and many years later still blames himself. K said: I knew that I was going to die that night. If he hadn’t called the cops, I would have walked into traffic. It was just easier for me this way.
Both of these stories are heartbreaking, but there was nothing that either Elaina or Jack could have done to prevent these deaths. Suicide can only be prevented if the person is willing to do the work and neither D or K was willing. No matter how much Elaina and Jack beat themselves up, no matter how many possible scenario’s they created in their minds about what they could have done; it wouldn’t have mattered. D and K were both intent on ending their lives.
No one wants to see someone that they care about in pain. But no matter what we say or do, there is a limit to the effect that we can have on someone else’s decisions. Our job is to do our best for ourselves and for them and as broken hearted as we may be, to accept that it isn’t within our power to control everything. And to remember that just because you don’t want something to happen doesn’t make it your fault that it did.
For more information check out:  Why Can’t I See My Loved One :


  1. I hope family members of mentally ill people take this post to heart. With the best of intentions, we take on responsibility for our loved ones’ emotions, actions, and disease. It’s extremely painful, draining, and doomed to failure.
    Each person is responsible for themselves. It helps to know that our loved ones are surrounded by guides and angels.

    • Victoria Juster

      Hello Marlo, When we love someone, accepting that we can’t protect them from themselves can be an incredibly painful idea to accept. Seeing you in light and love.

  2. Both stories are so sad. I have a dear friend who’s husband commented suicide due to service related mental illness. This happened years ago and still today she blames herself. Suicide seems to kill two with only one dying.

    • Yes, it does. And often more than two. When someones commits suicide they are so completely engulfed in their own pain, that they are unable to recognize the far reaching effect of their actions.

  3. This is in line with a story my cousin told me when her brother committed suicide. No-one saw it coming — had no idea he had suicidal thoughts. My cousin was devastated because he was her favorite brother. Her father reminded her that this was the choice he made and we have to accept it. She told me these words helped her to understand and to cope.

    • Your uncle is a wise man. The most difficult thing that we can do after a loved one makes this choice, is to accept that there was nothing that we could have done to prevent it.

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