Denying any part of yourself whether it’s your sexuality, being clairvoyant or an empath, your nationality or your burning desire to be a gardener, doctor or dancer is denying your value as a human being. You’re saying that you believe that the world doesn’t value that part of you, so you’ll either hide it or pretend that it doesn’t exist. You weren’t put in this life to live up to anyone’s opinion on what has value except your own. It’s impossible to lead a happy healthy fulfilled life while being just part of a person. No matter how successful or popular you become, beneath your success you’ll feel an emotional void, an emptiness.
The first step to finding true happiness and true peace of mind is to accept yourself as you are. Not who who you were, you will be or who others expect you to be but who you are right now in this moment. When you’ve allowed yourself to connect with your true self you’ll be able to figure out what and who makes you happy. Denying any part of yourself will cause stress and stress can lead to a multitude of issues including anxiety and depression.
Ian was an architect and joined his father’s firm right out of college. There wasn’t a minute of his 10 hour days that he enjoyed. He did it because it was a respectable career and expected by his family. Mostly he did it for the money. His generous salary afforded him a beautiful home, nice car and a luxurious two week vacation every year. Twenty-five years later, he was still at his father’s firm and still miserable. He jokingly admitted that he had peaked in high school and had no interest or intention in changing that. Ian knew that he wasn’t happy, he had known it his entire adult life.
He was plagued by loneliness and health issues and there was nothing that I could do to help him. He had no interest in introspection. He had no interest in even thinking about anything new; no new thoughts, friends, foods or activities. He had lived up to his parents expectations and to what he felt were societies expectations. He couldn’t open his mind to the possibility that there was more to life. What he wanted from me was confirmation that he had made the right choices in his life. I couldn’t give him that. But, I said, if he was interested in exploring other life options, I would be glad to help him. I never heard from him again.
Marilyn Cloutier and I both love watching cooking shows. Here she shares her take on Accepting Yourself: I have been amazed at how many young chef’s say that their parents wanted them to be a lawyer/engineer/accountant, either to carry on family tradition or for money, prestige, or security. They went to college, graduated, and worked successfully in the profession, but they were never comfortable or happy. Finally they get tired of trying to squeeze their true nature into the profession’s mold and the office environment. They quit their jobs, went to culinary school, and became chefs. They happily work long hours for less money in a creative job that they love.
Being true to yourself doesn’t have to mean quitting your job.
Chloe is a special education teacher and loves her job. She gets much joy in helping her kids and seeing their accomplishments. But, long difficult hours and students behavior issues have left her feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. She couldn’t quit her job but she knew that something had to change. She looked back on her life and thought deeply about what had made her happy in the past. The answer was art. She loved to paint. She started taking classes and slowly got back into the habit of painting. It brought joy and a much needed balance into her life.
Not everyone has the luxury of changing careers or the safety of expressing their sexual orientation. But, to truly have peace in your heart and happiness in your life you have to accept your own truth and find a way to incorporate it into your life.
In case you forgot I’m a medium and my Friends on the Other Side want to share their input.
Dead people say: We keep saying this and we’ll keep saying it. You matter exactly the way that you are!
As a Human Resources person I have been meeting many people like Ian. Stuck and unhappy, but unwilling to embrace change.
It’s sad. We all have one life, and we should spend it in a way that makes us – mostly – happy.
Victoria, one of the most powerful comments ever offered to me by a much older friend was: Be who you are and let that be enough. Thanks for a very interesting piece on a powerful topic. It is literally essential that we seek more and more to match our lives with our essences.
A very wise friend! Our lives would be much less complicated and more fulfilling if we believed that we were enough.
Your blog post is right on. I agree with it all. Be You!
Great post and thank you for the great reminder. I am working very hard on trying to believe in myself and the I AM ENOUGH! It’s a slow and go process, but posts like this help remind me to be me 🙂 Thanks for sharing.