We Are Not Onions – Part 3 of 3

The Onion posts raised some interesting questions.
Question: So the reward for dealing with a difficult issue is to have to continue to deal with triggers from my past my whole life. At what point am I able to let go of it?
Victoria: Life isn’t about rewards or punishments. The purpose of life is to be able to find joy in your day-to-day existence. True joy and long-term happiness can only be found by maintaining a peaceful integrity in your heart, thoughts and actionsIssues aren’t meant to be let go of. They are meant to be learned from. As you go through the layers of learning you will let go of your attachment to the emotions. When you have let go of the attachment to the emotions you will be able to see the issues more objectively. You’ll become aware of how the tentacles of your experience have worked their way into other aspects of your lifeThe intensity of the emotions will continue to ease and your memories will be added to your bank of knowledge.
Question: A friend suggested I didn’t have courage because I wasn’t willing to share with other friends something personal that happened to me years ago. She believes that this is the way I could validate myself to them.  I feel that my work will validate me. I was deeply hurt by her comment. I lived through the experience and went on to help other women. That takes courage. I am letting her thoughts define me. And I’m mad about that too. I’m allowing her too much control. But there’s a voice in my head that asks, what if she’s right? I have strived to be brave and overcome things that are hard for me, to set an example for my children that wasn’t set for me. Clearly I don’t believe I’ve succeeded. I would love your thoughts on this.
Victoria: Your insecurity is understandable. Someone that you trusted and thought believed in you, blindsided you. She attacked where she knew that you were vulnerable. The thing to remember is that you are the totality of your life experience. You accepted your issues, faced them and dealt with them, working through layers upon layers of grief, fear and disappointment. Then you used your experience and knowledge to help other women. Your work does and will validate your courage and strength. You are allowed, without any type of justification, to keep private anything that you want to
Question: What if she’s right? 
Victoria: You are the only one who can answer that question. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Look deeply into your question, What if she’s right? Do you believe that she’s right? I don’t believe that you do. 
With everything that you’ve been through and everything that you’ve accomplished, my question to you is:  Are you willing to accept how much you’ve grown, honor your accomplishments, and love yourself just as you are?


  1. I think it’s so important to use positive thoughts to replace the negative ones.

  2. I agree that past issues are what we can learn from, and that everyone deals and grows from it in their own way. It isn’t always necessary to share them — many times it is a private learning experience that doesn’t need outside attention or opinion.

    Good thoughts here.

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